oliviarae

I'm feeling pretty good. Contemplation that brings new revelations is like a warm hello from the perfect stranger. Just maintaining that feeling is what will propel me further into my future and closer to my success.


There is no such thing as having everything.

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going."


Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arrive

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arrive,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

This first week/weekend in June should be awesome. As will be the first week in July, to continue on this journey of awesomeness.

Feeling pretty awesome, I must say.

Life is good.

And the world we know disappears.


I love my other, for he is significant.

1. Ferris Buellers Day Off
2. Harold and Maude
3. One flew Over The Cuckoos Nest
4. Hollywood Ending
5. Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory

"Lets hear it."

just a few more steps to go.

Homee for Christmas on December 18th. Nicholas will be joining me there on the 28th :)


Cannot wait!!!

i'm going to sleep on the floor again. It's where i slept last night and i woke up in such a better disposition.


"dreams are real while they last; can we say more of life?" - Havelock Ellis

...'Going to sleep by you. Lie down now; you'll be better in the morning.'


Meh.




Bite the bullet.

slitting throats

I'd be Sophia Petrillo from "The Golden Girl's" because I want to be a cute old lady.

Outside, completely stoned and drunk, blasting tunes.

"Drive on relentlessly towards that goal you sense and desire." - My father said this to me once.

When will I be with someone who I won't need to worry about losing?

I've been traumatized by this relationship. Whenever it ends, I have no idea how I'll ever face love again. Love is the devil. It's out to do nothing but destroy you once you fall victim. According to this relationship I can say:
Love is controlling
Love is destruction
Love is sickness
Love is fear
Love is crippling
Love is hatred
Love is overwhelming
Love is nothing I want to be apart of. But how can I say that when all I do is love? I'm just not giving it to the right person. I'm giving it to someone who doesn't see or appreciate the amount of love I have for them. He doesn't see. How does he not see everything I've endured in this relationship just to keep it going? Holy shit this is beginning to be unbearable.

The conversation we had tonight started with me somehow coming across old writings of his and trying to explain how I love trying to understand people through their past. I ended up falling into the "Brandy" topic, which is one I hate with all that I have for hate. I honestly envy that girl and the relationship he had with her. Only because what I have with him now, is not comparable in the least. During this whole 12 months we've been together he's told me how he STILL feels about her and I listened to him talk about it. I understood it. But when we are here now, a year together and he still can't even say how he feels about me? What is going on here? What am I doing? How do I love this person? Why do I love this person? Someone who's put me through so much torment and pain, how do I still have the will to love? How?

This is why love is a puzzle I'll never put together. I've tried so hard to understand what love is really doing in the mind of me and other people. What is this ridiculous feeling that ultimately destroys you? Why is it called love? This is taking up too much energy and it's just making my life seem like a waste. I need to put my passion towards more important things. Love is weakness disguised as emotion. Love gives people the excuse to be weak.

I'm just being bitter. I had a rough night. Tomorrow will be better. Then again, I have way too much to figure out. But who doesn't?

Let me tell you what love isn't; freedom. That is the last thing I feel like I have right now. Love is confining. And the more I keep typing that word, the more i despise it.

Goodnight. Finally.

beep.
Sorry, this is friends only.
Be my friend =]